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BE A FRIEND – Accompaniment Skill Steps

By Jed Baker Ph.D. and Jeffrey Friedberg MA, MT-BC

Hello and thank you for visiting the “Be a Friend” Social Skills Training Music CD skill steps guide.  

Research has shown that learning occurs much more rapidly when children are highly motivated to attend.  The “Be A Friend” CD capitalizes on children’s love of music to teach invaluable social skills in a highly engaging manner.  The CD is an important tool to accomplish the following goals:

  1. *    Positively engage children, whether alone or with friends, to learn valuable social skills

  2. *    Reinforce memory of social skills lessons

Instructions for use of your “Be A Friend” Music CD:

  1. 1.Teach the lessons in the songs by explaining, modeling and role-playing the skill steps described in each song. 

  2. 2.Listen to the CD whenever you can, in the car, at home, and in school, to help your child or student memorize the skill steps.  Listening to the CD should increase motivation to learn and remember the skill steps, but does not always insure that the child will use the skill when needed.  To help the child use the skill at the right moments, the next step is crucial.

  3. 3.Coach the child to use these skills just before events in which they are needed.  For example, one can review the steps for Accepting No before events in which the child may be denied something they want.  Similarly, your child will benefit from reviewing the steps for Asking Someone to Play, Taking Turns, and compromising before going to recess or out to the park to play.

  4. 4.After the event, review what the child did well and what else he/she could have done in the situation.

Skill Steps

Be A Friend to Make a Friend

Goal: Learn several specific skills that help to build friendships

1.Listen to what your friends have to say.

2.Compromise when you play games.

3.Compliment - say nice things.

4.Share with others.

5.Offer to help them, i.e. to clean up.


Goal: Learn how and when to greet people

1.When you see someone you know for the first time in the day you should:

a.look at them, and

c.say “hello.”

2.When you are leaving someone at the end of the day:

a.look at them, and

c.say “goodbye.”

Personal Space

Goal: Learn how to maintain appropriate personal space

1.Don’t get too close to others because it makes them feel uncomfortable.

2.Stand about and arms length away.

3.Don’t touch them or their things without asking first.

Eye Contact

Goal: Learn to make eye contact when interacting with others

1.Look others in the eyes when you are talking and listening to them.

2.If you look away, they will think you do not care.

3.If you are afraid to look into their eyes, then look at their forehead.


Goal: Learn when to talk softly and when to talk loudly

1.Certain places have rules about how loud you should talk.

2.If 1 is soft and 5 is loud:

a.Use a #1 voice to whisper in a movie, church or temple, and other places people should be quiet.

b.Use #2 in class or #3 to talk with friends after school.

c.Use #4 or 5 voice to cheer at a game.


Goal: Learn benefits of sharing

1.Sharing means letting others have some of what you have.

2.If you share, others will be happy and might share with you.

3.If you share, others might also want to be your friend.


Turns: Learn the value of taking turns

It’s hard to wait and let others go first but if you wait:

1.Others will be happy.

2.They may give you a turn.

3.They may want to be your friend.

4.And you can learn how to do something by watching others do it first.

Ask Someone To Play

Goal: Learn how to join a game

1.Watch others play.

2.Walk up to them and wait for them to look.

3.Ask, “Can I play?”

4.If they say “no” find someone else to play.


Goal: Learn how to compromise

1.Tell someone what you want to do.

2.Ask them what they want to do.

3.Offer to do little of both so you can both be happy.


Goal: Learn how to give complements

1.Complement is when you say something nice about someone.

2.It may make them want to be your friend.

3.You can say something nice about:

a.How they look

b.Something they did, like their work.

c.Something they are good at doing, like reading, singing or playing a game.

Sensitive Topics

Goal: Learn what topics not to say out loud in public

1.Some things you can think, but do not say to others because it can make them feel upset. These topics might be:

a.Something negative about how they look or act.

b.Something they have trouble doing, like if they cannot read or run fast.

c.If someone in their family died.

2.If you have a question you can ask your parents or a teacher privately, when no one else can hear what you are saying.

Teasing Song

Goal: Learn what to do when someone teases you

1.Check it out first to see if they meant it or were just kidding.

2.Tell them to stop.

3.Walk away, act like you don’t care what they say.

4.If it doesn’t stop, go tell an adult.

Accepting No

Goal: Learn that there is always something you can get if you wait calmly

1.Sometimes parents and teachers will say no when you ask for something.

2.If you do not get mad they may:

a.Give you what you want later or

b.Give you something else you want.

Making Mistakes

Goal: Learn that making mistakes helps us to learn

1.It’s okay to make mistakes, everyone does. It is how we learn something new. If we are afraid to make mistakes, we might never try something new.

2.You can learn from your mistake by trying again or asking for help.

Calm Down Song

Goal: Learning how to calm down

1.All problems can be solved, if you can wait, stay calm and talk to someone.

2.To stay calm you can take a walk, listen to music, play with a toy, squeeze a stuffed animal or do something else to get your mind off your problem.

3.Then you can talk to someone to solve the problem.


Goal: Learn to Recognize and Label Feelings

1.Have students try to identify your feelings as you make faces and have them practice making faces into a mirror.

2.Consider making a journal where they can draw or write about the things that make them happy, mad, scared or sad.